by Kathy Nelson, Life Coach in San Diego, California
I have had the pleasure of officiating at almost thirty weddings, many of them for clients. As a life coach, love and relationship has proven to be a hot area for coaching. We have all heard the song, “All I really need is love”. Well, it is true for many of us. I have done relationship coaching that has helped clients to consider dating, move a relationship into dating and then into marriage. A few marriages have improved and rekindled and some have gotten over some pretty tough hurdles, too. Sometimes, I have sent clients to a counselor for more help than I could provide as a Relationship or Life Coach.
It is not unusual for a single client to talk to me about love; wanting to love and to be loved. I often talk with these clients about what their track record looks like, what kind of a family they came from and ideally what kind of a family they would like to have. When looking at past relationships we look at what really worked and what didn’t. What lessons have been learned and what opinions have been formed? We have to look at existing beliefs. And we look at what the heart wants. What is the vision that is happy life ever after…. We all do know what we want, really.
I often find once my client gets connected to their own love power, does some inside heart work, practices giving out more loving vibrations, is embodying the very energy of love of life, they often meet and start dating someone interesting to them. They become more available for love. More open to the experience of it. They attract love to them. Love attracts love. Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. If you want love, be love.
I believe relationships teach us a lot about our self. It is like going to love school. It tests us. It stretches us. I know I learn more about me in a relationship than when I am single. I have discovered partners are often perfect mirrors for what we have to see in our self. Relationships are love schools!
One of my life coaching clients I helped through the process of balancing her work life and goals, while she was going for her Master’s Degree. After she got the degree, she wanted to change her job for a better one and jump a few steps up her work ladder. After she changed the job she wanted to find Mr. Right. We discussed the ways she might meet someone in today’s social climate. After much consideration, she chose speed dating and met a wonderful and charming man who liked her energy and attitude. A year later, I was thrilled to dance at their wedding. Today, they are happy and have added a wonderful son to their family and she has changed her career into being an entrepreneur and small business owner, one where she can work from home while taking care of her family. She has a wonderful husband and life. She took a few risks along the way. Another client met her man after giving into a compulsion to buy a Teardrop trailer. She met “Mr. Right” at a Tear Drop Trailer weekend campout. And he was the right one!
I have met two husbands in a blind date set up by friends, and my last one twenty years ago through the personals.I met my wonderful partner through the San Diego personal ads that were around in back in ’91. I had been divorced for about a year and a half and was feeling ready for a new chapter in my love life. I had been doing a lot of personal development and was clear about the qualities I was looking for and how I wanted to feel and be treated by my “Mr. Right”. My list was written out. Yes, my friends thought I was nuts for putting an ad in the paper. They felt it was dangerous! I did it anyway and planned how I would stay in public places and drive my own car and let my family and friends know what I was doing and called before and after. I was careful and used my street smarts.
My ad read, “Looking for a trusted weekend partner. Pheromone appeal a must. Great conversation could lead to lots of fun.” He looked up the word ‘Pheromone’ and thought I might be the one for him. We met for dinner, he stretched the evening to include a movie, we had great conversation and the sparks were present. Our romance began when he called the next day and told me he had a really good time. I felt the same and told him so.
Our path was not always smooth and easy. There were some challenges here and there. We worked through them and learned a lot along the way. And it was the right one for both of us. We have always both wanted the best for the other. Not our picture of what the best was, but what the other wanted. He is a blessing not only me, but to my whole family with his generosity and kindness. Next to my grandfather, he is the most thoughtful man I have known. I was not lucky. I put in the work to find out what I had done that had not worked. I learned I was attracted to drama and why and how to change that pattern. Together, we work on keeping this relationship good, open and honest. It takes courage to say what you want and to speak your truth. It takes patience to be a good listener.
I stretched by putting the ad in the paper, but as they say, “No risk, no gain”, and it is a true statement to me. It has brought me years and years of happiness and I look forward to spending my golden years with the love of my life. I am glad I took the risk and found my happiness.
What are you willing to risk for your happiness?
Kathy Nelson is a Life Coach in San Diego, California. Learn More About Life Coaching